Attempting to save your marriage by yourself usually does not work because the self-help process fails to get to the core of the matter. It is a band-aid that fails to alter the underlying problems in your relationship. Trying to change the relationship on your own is usually focused on changing your partner or trying to please him or her. Unfortunately, this only leads to a deeper sense of being stuck.
For the most long-lasting and enduring results,do not work on the relationship by yourselves. Here's my mantra: Get marriage counseling so that you can truly be you and your partner can truly be him or herself! If you are at a frustrating impasse with your partner, it really is OK. And, it really isn't that difficult if you get expert help. Just find a highly qualified marriage counselor or clinical psychologist and let him or her do the work. Just follow your therapist's instructions. It is easy and no mystery is involved.
It is much easier than trying to change the relationship on your own and someone else does the work for you. Well, in a way; you will find out more about that once counseling begins. Oh yeah, one more thing. When you get a professional counselor, interesting things usually happen. Your therapist begins by changing the flow or dynamics in your relationship so your partner cannot, not change.
Give that some thought. The problem is that when you constantly bicker and argue you start feeling hopeless. You start feeling terrified of a possible divorce and you may even worry about the welfare of your kids. Finding a good marriage counselor who really cares is the answer, however, finding one can be tough.
It does not change the fact, however, that when experiencing a troubled relationship, reaching out to a counselor is the best thing you can do. A counseling psychologist, clinical social worker or licensed marriage and family counselor can change you and your spouse's life. These highly trained mental health specialists have seen it all and can give you valuable advice to resolve your relationship difficulties and help you reach your goals. If you have never visited a marriage counselor before, you are probably feeling apprehensive.
That is understandable; after all, you are going to consult a stranger about some of the most personal aspects of your life. You will be opening up a part of your life that you sometimes try to cover-up. But your effort and courage can be well worth the reward - a new chance at the full and loving marriage that you originally hoped for. When searching for a marriage counselor, think about the most important qualities you care about.
Look for someone who is sensitive to your concerns and with whom you have a good rapport. If necessary, get someone with evening or weekend hours that can accommodate your hectic schedule. The most important thing to do, however, is to hire a seasoned therapist who has a superb reputation and has published numerous professional articles. Your counselor should treat you with respect, patience, sensitivity, and courtesy. If he or she is abrupt, judgemental or abrasive, get someone else.
Before your first visit, prepare a list of questions and do not hesitate to ask questions about the procedure, process or fees. The most experienced marriage counselors want you to be prepared and demonstrate the highest motivation to succeed. You should never feel rushed, ignored, or unable to ask questions. Tell your counselor about any anxiety or nervousness you might experience. This can help him or her become more sensitive to your concerns, and will result in a better visit.
Here are a few tips for finding the best marriage counselor. If the cost is paramount, consult your health insurance or employee assistance program at work to see if they cover counseling. Determine whether you are restricted to a specific network of professionals and make appointments to screen them as soon as possible. Your marriage counselor should be a psychologist, social worker, marriage and family therapist or mental health counselor who is licensed to practice independently.
This type of licensure often requires that they pass oral and/or comprehensive written examinations. He or she will have graduated from an accredited graduate school and have completed specialized training in marriage counseling or therapy. Another thing to look for is membership in the local chapter of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists or the American Psychological Association.
Members of these organizations often participate in continuing education classes, are peer reviewed and must remain in good standing to maintain their memberships. Also, screen your marriage counselors for those with lots of experience. As with any profession, those who are most experienced are more apt to make accurate assessments and display a deeper understanding of your situation.
Dr Shery is in Cary, IL, near Algonquin, Lake Zurich, Huntley and Lake-in-the-Hills. He's an expert psychologist with over 30 years experience, provides day, evening and Saturday appointments and accepts all local insurance plans. Call 1 847 516 0899 and make an appointment or learn more about counseling at: http://www.carypsychology.com
